Hii diary entry
Ive been suicidal lately and thinking im the worst most immoral person alive and theres nothing i can do to help it. Like genuinely a handful of people might be in this same exact issue as me but i cant talk to any of them they don't know me. Can someone plz kill me plzzz i cant do it myself.
Anytime i talk about myself people say im so self aware im really not. I feel like im lying to everyone people think i am nicer than i actually am. Therapy doesn't do shit, partially because i cant talk to my therapist but also they cant help me its all on the patient to do i don't get the point of therapy everything sucks. I know it works for a lot of people but i've been to many different therapists for years. I'm just done with it i've gotten worse.
There are people online i see are similar to me but i cant reach out to them anytime i message someone i sound robotic i can't hold a conversation and sound uninterested. It takes me hours to reply with a basic response because i'm too scared to hit send and it still is a bad response even after thinking about it and adjusting it over and over
I have parasocial relationships with people I follow who aren't even celebrities. I just think they're cool and wish I could be their friend. I spend so much time on twitter idk what to do if elon completely fucks the place up my parasocial relationships are all ive got 💔
Theres something so cathartic about just saying i want to kill myself idk why maybe its for attention but its in my own head im not saying it to people idk whos attention it is for i want to kms i want to kms i want to kms i want to kms gut my body like a fish i want to kms i want to kms i want to kms i sound like an edgy 13 year old i want to kms i want to kms i want to kill myself i want **** ***** ** **** ** *** **** ** ***** *** *** ******* *** **** ** *** *** ***** *** **** **** ** *** **** * **** *** ** *** *** **** * **** ***** ***** ** ******* ** **** *** ******** ***** *** ****** **** ******* ** ******* *** *** **** ** ****** ** ** ****** *** **** ** ** *** *** * **** *** *** *** ** *** ***** *** **** *** ***** ********* *** **** **** ** **** ** ** ***** yeahhh